On September 16, 2018
Storybook: Discovering Dragons
Image: Green Dragon. Source – Pixabay
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Hey Erin! I love the opening line and the suspense it immediately created. I can’t imagine the silence that must have rushed over the city knowing that even their king had been struck with this plague. Where did the plague come from, and what causes the body to turn green from it? I think finding out exactly what is behind this scourge (love that word!) and where it came from would be an excellent addition to the introduction. What has happened to the dragons that keeps them away from Lennox? Are they naturally evasive of people, or did something happen that makes them avoid the area? I can also imagine Eira storming away after being rebuked a few times and putting all of her energy towards making them look like a fool for denying her what she wants. I’d be interested in knowing if this came from her mother or her father, or if it just happened to appear in her. I’m excited to see where the journey takes Eira!
Hi Erin! You do a really good job of keeping the readers on their toes and wanting to read more. I have never read the story that you are referencing but it sounds like you are doing a very interesting twist on it! What made you think to do a plague? I’m surprised the king let her leave the castle so easily when he has been forcing her to stay for so long. You could add an argument in there and have her sneak out of the castle if you want something else to add! Either way your story sounds like it will be great!
Hi Erin! The story book appears so impressive with the motion picture. The air and the cloud movement in the sky make the landscape itself so grandeur. Its magnificent create a sense of power of the Dragon. Also, the cloud looks like hiding something mysterious.
The interactive part of your introduction also catches my attention immediately. It works like a map that leads me through every edges of the castle.
Although i never read the original story before, i still understands the basic theme that you lead us through. Princess Eira is just like a heroine because of her braveness. However, i wonder how can Princess Eira know her first step should be find the dragon? And when she says goodbye to the father, how can the father allow her to go for a very dangerous mission and also this mission appears to be impossible? Why he allows her to go when he know he won’t have enough time?
I thought you should describe Eira more strong-minded and more decisive so the father couldn’t prevent her doing what she thinks.
Anyway, i really like your introduction. I can’t wait to see your next stories.
I am super excited I have found your online storybook! So cool that you have stuck with the dragon/lady knight theme. Also, how did you do the interactive picture at the top of the pages?! THAT IS SO COOL! I loved your introduction, gave the reader (me) plenty of information about what is going on. I like the twist of the plague, the Black Death, but yours here is the Green Scourge. Are they related diseases? Oh lady knights, I like how you made Eira, not the typical princess. She loves her family I can tell and wants to help her father as well as her kingdom. I was surprised that she ran into a dragon so quickly on her adventure. I like how Feng changes his mind to save Garrett before helping Eira. I cant wait to read what will happen next on Eira’s journey
I love the graphics on the site! The homepage has the moving graphic and I think that is great. But, I especially love the graphics on the introduction and the first story. I think the added images within the main image are a great idea. It gives you the opportunity to have more images without cluttering the site.
I think the introduction gave plenty of information for the stories without overloading readers. I love that the princess is so determined to help her fathers and the kingdom. She almost reminds me of the princess in Brave who is determined to help her mother.
She found her dragon so fast after no one had seen one for decades! Did she get lucky or was it skill? Maybe from reading so much about it she had a good idea of where to go. Maybe you could mention something about that!
I cant wait to read more and good luck on the rest!
Hey Erin! I chose to read your story because I’m also writing about dragons, and I figured that some more reading on the topic might help me better decide where I’m going with my own works. I’m so glad I did. First of all, your banner/background media choices are beautiful! I’m not sure how you managed the moving clouds graphic and interactive photos, but they definitely caught my attention. Also, your introduction immediately drew me in, and your description of the princess telling the physician that she was the contagious one made me laugh. Your continuation of the tale was even more interesting. I really enjoyed how you pulled the stories of other dragon encounters and made them fit into your narrative. I’m excited to see which other stories you choose to recreate! Also, it’s clear just how much thought you’ve put into this storybook when you explore the meanings of the names of the characters. I’ll definitely be coming back to your page to continue reading. Very well done!
I think your website is above and beyond amazing! The graphics on your home page, the rolling clouds, are really cool. It draws my attention and places me in the this new world that you have created.
I like your introduction. Again, you grabbed my attention right from the beginning. You use of “beautiful sentences” helps develop the setting of medieval times. I love the idea of a disease or plague that as infected the town and its people.
I know we are supposed to make suggestions, but after reviewing your introduction a couple of times, I am no so sure you need to make any changes, at least none that I can see. It is obvious that you have put a lot of though and effort into your storybook.
Also, I like the image you used in your introduction. It was fun to hover over the makers and learn about your story and characters. Very creative!
I look forward to reading more,
First of all, your website is phenomenal. The layout is absolutely gorgeous! I wish I started my story out on Wix. So congratulations on be so visually appealing and attention catching right off the bat. The amount of drama you provide in the beginning introduction paragraph was also well done. I think a few words may have fallen out of the sentences though? There were a few lines that seemed like a run on sentence that tricked my eyes a bit, so I’d have to go back and re-read. It wasn’t too bad though! Could you maybe add a bit more context to the kingdom’s history or even what life was like before the plague? We just get kind of thrown into the story without a little more background, so it would help in getting the reader to feel more immersed into the tale if we knew what the kingdom should be like and where we are coming from? Other than a few grammar hits or punctuation, I think that you have a strong story so far and I can’t wait to read more of it!
Wow I really loved your story! I was looking at your introduction so I could figure out your name, and wasn’t surprised at all to find out you’re a writing major! I think the wow moment for me in this story was when the second dragon showed up and took the knight! What a twist of events! This scene really reminded me of some great fantasy books I have read centered around quests. I wondered why it was so easy for the princess to find the dragon so it made more sense when the plot thickened after that. What if, in the next story we get to hear about what is happening to the knight? Although it can be frustrating when you have a favorite character, I find books that switch between two character’s stories and then bring them back together at the end are really cool! Anyway, great work! I look forward to reading more of your writing as we go along!
Hi Erin! I read the story The Princess and the Knight from your storybook. Your writing style is great. I enjoyed this story very much. I particularly like how you wrote Eria’s character. She is not the typical princess type from older stories. I like that she is strong and does things herself. I also really liked the descriptions and details you included in the story. It made it quite easy to visualize what is going on and stay engaged. The arrival of Fyrenus in the story was interesting. His arrival threw an unexpected twist into the story since he also flew off with the knight. The contrast between the two dragons, Fyrenus and Feng, is cool since one basically fits the idea that the knight has of dragons and the other seems to be kind. I like that Feng is teaming up with Eria as well, and them getting ready to go save the knight made me very interested in seeing what happens next. Overall I loved this story and I hope to read more from you in the future!
First off, your website is incredible! I love how the clouds move on the home screen, and that in the introduction the picture has all those other pictures embedded in it. Really good job! Okay, on to dragons. The introduction was so good at describing the sickness and how it is effecting the town. I thought it was so clever to say that the sickness had reached the royal family and then introduce Eira with the lines “Crown Princess Eira, only seventeen years old, was sick. Not from the scourge, but from being cooped up in the castle for weeks.” It was like a little plot twist and it made me scared for Princess Eira even before you really introduced her. I also like that she is going to save her father and Kingdom. It raises the stakes and provides her with a great motive for facing dragons all by herself.
I first wanted mention that I really am intrigued by the layout and setup of your storybook. The banners that you used really do a great job of putting a visual of where the events and stories are taking place. In addition to the banners, I think the use of the image that acts as a map to show who lives in those locations, where things are taking place, and a brief description is a creative way to help readers visual. I also wanted to mention that your stories and style of writing are great! You are definitely able to keep my attention and have me wondering what’s going to happen next, I can’t wait to read the next word to figure out what happens next.
This is the second time I have been able to red through your story book and the new installment is great! The wow moment for me was definitely when Feng killed the swallow. I was shocked at how easily Feng took the other dragon’s life. I didn’t see that coming at all, and as your author’s note mentioned it highlighted the otherness of the dragons very well. I wonder if in your next stories we will get to see a human side of the dragons or if you will maintain the sense of otherness that you have created. What if there is a reason the Feng is so alien and cold hearted. Maybe his long life has changed him, or he has learned to put away any feelings of tenderness for his own protection. I think that either way, the next installment is going to be very exciting, and I am looking forward to it!
Hey Erin! First and foremost, I love your website! I think the layout and the moving picture (GIF? Video? Live picture?) Is a super fun touch and makes it seem more interactive. It draws in my eye and makes me want to know more. Your story captures my attention from the beginning. I loved the details and the idea of dragons. I think it was beautifully told and leaves me wanting to know more. I also enjoyed how you put a music option up for Fighting the Green Dragon. I thought that was a nice touch and really puts you in the zone when you read. It is almost like you are living it too. I think this was a really fun story and I can’t wait to see you keep going!
I’m from the Indian Epics class and I just happened to stumble upon your website! You did a amazing job with the whole site! It’s visually appealing and interactive. You should be proud of how great it turned out. I just finished reading your first story and I liked it! It kind of felt like I was reading Eragon, which was cool. I was a little confused at the beginning because I thought the princess may have been riding a dragon, but you cleared it up a little while later that she was riding a horse. I like that the princess is saving the prince in your story. And I like the fact that it’s a continuing saga. I think you left off at the perfect cliffhanger and it really makes me want to come back and read the next story!
Hey Erin! The whole format of your story book is incredibly impressive. Right on the home page I can tell you put a lot of thought into creating this website, and it shows! It’s really cool how you used the interactive images where you can click on different elements to learn more. It really helps you dive into the story. The introduction immediately gets you into the story, and I love how the princess is bold enough to search for a dragon to save her kingdom without any help. I also think it’s cool that you combine Asian and European dragon characteristics into one story. It keeps it fresh, unique, and not so stereotypical. From the pictures you’ve chosen for the headers down to the fonts and titles of your stories- everything about this website flows together and transports you to a magical world where anything is possible. Great job!
Hey Erin! This is my last story comment for the year and I am glad that I got to end it on yours! You have done such a great job with this story and I truly enjoyed it. I would love to read a book length version of this story. I love dragons and I love how you have shown a multifaceted view of them. My favorite thing is definitely still that Feng kills the other dragon so suddenly. It was truly surprising and I think that surprises are hard to write. I think it was a great idea to stick with the flower as the object, and your reasoning made perfect sense to me. It also fit with Feng’s character really well, because I cannot see him wanting to create something that does anything more than exactly what he promised. He is too restrained for that. So congrats on finishing your project and I hope you have a great next semester.
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